Satnan: Expert, 11, tames midway beasts
There was a time when I would ride the tallest, fastest, most body-jolting thrill rides anyone has seen and enjoy every second of it. My son, Chaz, seems to be cut from the same cloth.
I still like thrill rides, but because of my recent eye surgery (convenient ex-cuse), I’m not able to take in the attractions on the Wade Shows midway at the Missouri State Fair. But Chaz, 11, was more than happy to take in the rides and provide his “expert analysis.”
When we arrived at the fairgrounds Thursday, Chaz bounded out of the car and said, “I like going on the rides here: They are amazing,” which made me think he would be like one of those movie critics who provide over-the-top positive reviews for even the most mediocre film, just so the comments will be included in the flick’s advertising.
As we approached Enterprise at the back of the midway, Chaz rested his chin atop the “Lil’ Pardner Measure Up” post used to check riders’ height as a safety precaution. Chaz more than measured up.
Enterprise is a wheel-like collection of caged gondolas that hold two riders each. The wheel starts spinning, then the center arm raises to tilt the wheel almost 90 degrees.
When the ride concluded, Chaz was weaving as he walked toward me. He said the ride “flails you around” and left him feeling “woozy.”
He also said, “I felt like I was going to puke all over the state fair,” which is not what I was hoping to hear after the first ride.
Next up was Spin-Out, which places riders in chairs four across and holds them in with padded safety harnesses. The ride then lifts up, begins spinning, flips the riders upside down and then sideways — still spinning — before it returns them to their upright and locked positions.
Chaz’s take: “It felt like you were letting all of your blood rush into your head. ... It seemed like I was in zero gravity.” His favorite aspect of this ride was being separated from the seat when he was upside down. Spin-Out is easily Chaz’s favorite ride at the fair. One look and I nicknamed it “The Vominator.”
The roller coaster might not be like those towering monstrosities you see at Worlds of Fun or Six Flags, but it offers enough turns and drops to be entertaining. Chaz flashed me a thumbs-up midway through the ride, and afterward he said the first drop “felt like I was dropping from the heavens.”
Meanwhile, the woman who sat in front of him was trying to get her bearings and said, “I’ll never be the same again.” I guess that is an endorsement.
The flying swings “made me feel like a bird,” Chaz said, adding that the wind against his face felt good. When asked why he was looking up into the sky during the ride, he responded, “It makes you go faster.” I’m not certain how the physics work on that one.
“Let’s go to the weird Celtic women,” he said, referring to Fighter. The sign for the ride includes a Lara Croft/Tomb Raider look-alike, but the female figures across the top of the ride look like Teutonic opera singers. The supports for the seats are made to look like the women’s arms. The seats spin on the “arm” axis, then those arms lift up and rotate.
Our critic said the ride was “great ... a little jerky” but unfortunately “too short.”
“I thought it was going to slow down, then start up again and go faster,” he said. Unfortunately, the ride was over. That didn’t stop him from riding it four more times.
The final feature for review was the Super Himalaya. While this ride looks tame from the outside, the speed and quick incline then decline provide some bumpy fun. It also provided Chaz with an unintended lesson in centrifugal force.
“I was sitting on the inside (of the car), and the first time we went around I slid all the way to the other side,” he said. He also warned future riders that “when you are going on the hills, hold on for your life — you are going to get squeezed” against the outside of the car.
But the speed of the ride made it one of our critic’s favorites.
Honestly, I wish I could have shared some of those adventures with Chaz. But seeing his reactions was a thrill in itself.
