Last updated: June 24. 2014 3:28PM - 1611 Views
By Travis McMullen Contributing Columnist

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Over the last few weeks, the Movoto Real Estate Blog has been releasing a series of articles that list 10 stereotypes for each state that are “completely accurate.” Just a short while ago they released their Missouri stereotypes and they’re not nearly as offensive as I thought they would be.

Missouri has always seemed to be a hard state to stereotype — what we usually get is a melting pot of southern and Midwestern stereotypes that could apply to three-fourths of the country.

No. 1: Missourians Toe the Line between Nice And, Well, Too Nice

This one caught me off guard because I know plenty of Missourians who aren’t even a little bit nice. Keep better track of your stereotypes for states that start with an M and I followed by two consonants, because this isn’t Minnesota.

No. 2: And They Will Stop Their Cars In The Middle Of The Road For Good Chat

Well, all right. I know a couple of people like that — I know family members like that. But it should probably be extended into “And They Will Stop Anywhere for Good Chat, Even the Middle of the Road.” I can’t tell you how many times I have been at my friendly neighborhood grocery store only to have my shopping impeded by two old friends who just reunited in the middle of the aisle.

No. 3: People from Missouri Have Trust Issues Because Of the Weather Man

Maybe we do have trust issues, but it’s definitely not because of the weather man. I think Missourians know the weatherman is just another person who can’t be trusted. This is the Show-Me State and we have a great motto because it is true to our inherently suspicious nature. A man’s word is nothing if he doesn’t back it up and in this crazy modern world, it’s probably healthy to take everything with at least one grain of salt. “People From Missouri Have Trust Issues Because Who Wouldn’t?”

No. 4: America’s Favorite Pastime Is Missourians’ Really Really Favorite Pastime

Look, I hear the letters coming in already and it might even make me a bad Missourian but under normal circumstances, I can’t stand baseball. I think it is funny when players sign baseballs for hecklers with disparaging remarks and I like hearing about all the interesting little stories interspersed in the history of baseball but the game itself just isn’t my thing. But almost every guy that I know seems to love it a lot.

No. 5: In Missouri, They Take Frog Gigging Seriously

I lived most of my life having never heard the term “frog gigging.” I didn’t know there was a specific phrase for sticking tactical tridents into amphibians. I first heard about it a few years ago when I was looking up college football traditions and found that Texas A&M Aggie fans usually encouraged the football team to “Gig ‘em.” This originated from a rally before a game against the TCU Horned Frogs but now they’re expected to gig everything, and it would take serious skill to gig an elephant, tiger or feral pig.

I know that frog gigging is an Ozark thing, but I think we should let Arkansas have that stereotype all to themselves.

No. 6: Missourians Are Friday Night Tailgaters and Bonfire Party People

With the food and beer prices at the stadiums around Missouri you’re just doing yourself a disservice if you don’t pre-game on barbecue and alcohol. If you’re going to call me an alcoholic and a pyromaniac, Movoto, then just come out and say it.

No. 7: Missourians Watch a Thunderstorm Like it’s Their Favorite TV Show

I am 100 percent guilty of this, and I did sit on my porch and watch the thunderstorms just a couple days ago. But I had no idea this was just a Missouri thing, I just assumed it was a human thing. How could you not want to go outside and witness the pure, wet fury of nature? The wind catches the rain just right and turns it into a mist and the lightning cracks the darkness — it would be my favorite TV show if it existed. Hey, other people from other states, you’re missing out.

No. 8: Everyone Pledges Allegiance to Imo’s Pizza

Ugh, absolutely not. The style of pizza that can best be described as “overgrown cracker with cheese” might be a St. Louis thing, but it’s absolutely not a whole state sort of thing. Cole Camp’s own Calgaro’s Pizza makes pies that are superior in just about every way, and I think you’ll find most Missourians have more loyalty for their local pizzeria then they do Imo’s.

No. 9: Natives Can Tell the Time of the Year by What’s Dead On The Road

A dead armadillo means it’s summer, and anything else means it’s not summer, right?

No. 10: Missouri Is One Part Southerners and One Part Midwesterners

That’s fair, I guess.

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