Last updated: August 27. 2013 7:52AM - 152 Views

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“They were young, made a mistake and did their time. Most jobs and careers are off limits, landlords refuse to rent to them. They are charged thousands of dollars for jail time room and board, and if they don’t pay it’s a parole violation. Now you want their fishing license? Boy, once you are in the system, your life is over.”

“Christmas is over, everybody. Please take your Christmas lights down.”

“Just wondering when the Maple Leaf mall opens. I’ve been by there several times and it’s closed. Maybe somebody will see this and let us know.”

“What we need is to stimulate the economy, buy a firearm then join the NRA.”

“How is it that (the sheriff’s department) can arrest someone for a quarter ounce of meth and give them a $500 bond and turn around and arrest someone else for a little bit of marijuana and give them a $50,000 bond?”

“If Colin Powell is Republican, then I am the Easter Bunny. C’mon, general, man up and admit you are a Democrat.”

“This is for all those sanctimonious government officials who want to strip me of my Second Amendment rights. What about that fiasco of sending the guns to Mexico they called ‘Fast and Furious?’ I understand they killed one of our U.S. agents. Talk about hypocrites.”

“The federal government better think twice before trying to confiscate firearms. ... You are looking at a second Civil War.”

“I think it would be a good idea for the city to donate a percentage of the money they are requiring for licensing dogs to the animal shelter.”

“I always heard, don’t let a minor dietary setback discourage you. Recommit the next day to your diet plan. And remember, nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.”

“I see where a 5-year-old in Pennsylvania was suspended from school for making a terrorist threat. What was her weapon? The dreaded automatic assault rifle? No, a Hello Kitty automatic bubble blower. I wonder if the police will investigate if this was purchased ... at a gun show? Was it used in a previous felony? Were these last two statements silly? Yes, but not as silly as labeling a 5-year-old a terrorist threat.”

“A quote from Winston Churchill: ‘I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.’”

“Why doesn’t the Catholic church just go ahead and let their priests get married?”

“I want to thank the Democrat for getting rid of the ‘Cow and Boy’ comic strip and putting a new one in called ‘Non Sequitor.’ I like it a lot better.” (Note: “Cow and Boy” was dropped by its syndicate.)

“Tom Brokaw wrote a book, ‘The Time of Our Lives.’ This book should be must reading for every voter in the United States. It makes much more sense than all of those people up on Capital Hill.”

“There are so many things that people do not know.”

“Open your eyes, start watching your workers. Seems like all they can do is be texting all the time. They’re not doing their jobs.”

“It’s a sad thing when you take your children to story time ... at the library and one child can destroy the whole time for all the other little children. The unruliness of the child, how he interrupted, back-talked and no discipline from anybody — I felt so bad for the other children who had to endure this.”

“All of this credit card fraud and abuse could be greatly reduced if these merchants would require an ID each time one of them is used. I know that would make checkout time a little longer, but it would reduce this fraud tremendously — and that includes filling stations, too.”

“Concerning gun control: What we need to do is go back and give the victims back their rights because the criminals have more rights. ... We need to go back to putting them to death right away instead of putting them in prison for 10 or 20 or 30 years. We need to start working on this, that is what our main problem is, because criminals can get away with so much.”

“Travis, this is the Key Notes. We will be waiting for you at July’s Kiwanis trivia contest. You might be sprier, but we are older and wiser.”

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