“This week will be your last online-only column,” wrote departing Sedalia Democrat editor Bob Satnan.

It’s always sad when any establishment goes out of business — especially when it is a Sedalia business and even more so when it is a Sedalia institution.

The GuberBurger is practically the official food of the city of Sedalia. It’s not the best culinary legacy, but it’s the best one we’ve got.

It might not feel or look like it outside but spring has begun and that means it’s time for some good old spring cleaning. There are a few theories as to why it became the season most closely associated with cleaning but no matter the reason the concept has survived into modern society and in a few days short of a month some select Sedalians will be able to celebrate it in a whole new way.

“This chick does not like your country lineup. I’m not a country fan. My friends and I are taking all of the money we saved for this year to spend at the fair and we’re going to Kansas City and spend it there. Sorry, Sedalia, hope your country chicks have deep pockets,” said one caller in the most recent edition of the Sedline.

Recently various media outlets have been squawking about how the younger users of the social networking site Facebook, the very same demographic that helped it become one of the biggest Internet phenomenons of all time, are now abandoning it at a steady pace.

There are only a few weeks left in the city’s fiscal year and it looks like sales tax revenues will continue to be stagnant in the next financial period. City Administrator Gary Edwards has projected that sales tax revenues aren’t going to get better just because the dollar odometer will soon roll over.

“I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”

I was doing my regular sweep of the Internet, looking for topics for my online column, and when it came time to search Google it suggested a strange string of words in the “related searches” section for “Sedalia:” “sedalia homeopathic medicine”

There are few tools in the entire history of the world that have the range of a computer. Various social networking sites were instrumental in encouraging the Egyptian people to overthrow the oppressive Hosni Mubarak and helping them spread their message. Stocks crash, weapons are sold, governments are overthrown and re-formed at the will of the men behind the computers.

One of the most popular stories on the Sedalia Democrat website is the story about the report from the Missouri State Highway Patrol about a major inadvertent drug bust.

“Gov. Jay Nixon has proposed lengthening the school year from 174 days to 180 days to put the state in line with the national average. Should Missouri public schools add six days of classes?”

The job hunter sets out each morning, hoping that this is the morning where they’ll finally down the job that they’ve been tracking for months, the 10-point job with a set of benefits so majestic that it will be hard to resist the urge to duct tape them to the front of the car.

“Many thanks for your reading this email,” wrote a responder who identified themselves as Huang Kiaibo and claimed to represent a company that could meet all my golf-related needs. “We are a reliable manufacturer with good product quality and satisfied services,” he insisted.

I never thought it was such a bad little world. It wasn’t bad at all, really. Maybe it just needed a little love.

The Parkhurst Commons at State Fair Community College is frequented by an eclectic mix of people. And over the past few weeks, some of them have been testing the limits of what sort of behavior is acceptable in public.

Sometimes you solve a problem by actually solving the problem.

“I was going to take all this and send it to a reporter so at least someone would know what was going on,” wrote a reader named Johnny.

I got a piece of mail the other day that was so overwhelmingly positive and encouraging that I initially assumed that someone was messing with me. I’ve never received physical mail that was so complimentary.

I’m proud of Sedalia’s ongoing status as a Tree City. And since there is no shortage of trees, there is no shortage of tree-related issues.

The Taco Bell brand name must carry a lot of loyalty around here.

On Thanksgiving night, the people of Sedalia and Pettis County will line South Ohio between Fourth and Fifth streets in preparation for the Sedalia Christmas season.

The cellphone is an important tool.

“your writing sucks just thought i’d let u know”

It’s almost over.

They’ve got Facebook pages for everything now.

It was a chilly Friday evening in old Sedville and many would find their weekend-starting libations at places like Fitter’s, Coach’s, Dukes and Boots and The End Zone. But the hardest rockers and the most magnetic metal heads found themselves at the American Legion for a night of smoking, drinking and eardrum injuring.

Sedalia is full of generous businesses with generous owners. The list is so extensive that I dare not try to include it, for fear of inadvertently overlooking one of them.

I’m sure you all read the story in the weekend edition of The Sedalia Democrat about the Downtown Business Boosters, one of the newer groups doing their part to revitalize downtown Sedalia.

Most of the time the local police reports are pretty mundane. There’s always some theft, some drug possession, and some drivers who shouldn’t be behind the wheel for various reasons. But there was a particularly interesting entry recently:

I’m glad that the people of Sedalia have embraced their recycling center. The bins out at Thompson Hills Shopping Center always fill up quickly and during the day they can’t go a few minutes without getting another dropper. They’re especially busy on the weekends.

I thought there was going to be a firestorm.

Show-Me a cigarette.

Welcome to Sedalia, the future most beautiful city in west-central Missouri.

The second Queen of the Prairies Festival of the Arts seemed to be a success. Word was going around that it was three times bigger than the first one. I don’t know about that exactly, but the sophomore gathering was certainly bigger.

Football is full of interesting trophies.

If only everything were just like it used to be.

“The deputy spotted a suspicious device appearing to be an IED (improvised explosive device). “

Sedalia’s kindergartners and first-graders are going to have their literary horizons broadened by a steady introduction of nonfiction books alongside their standard happy puppy fare.

We all know the local Pittsburgh Corning plant as the home of the classic glass block. But it is their other product, which is probably slightly harder to reverse engineer, that has become the target of international espionage.

What do Baltimore, Gainesville, Ga., Manhattan/Junction City, Kan., and Sedalia all have in common?

“The function of football, soccer, basketball and other passion-sports in modern industrial society is the transference of boredom, frustration, anger and rage into socially acceptable forms of combat. A temporary substitute for war; for nationalism; identification with something bigger than the self.”

There are book repositories all over the world which are casually referred to as “Carnegie libraries” because their construction was personally bankrolled by one of the richest men to ever make his home on the North American continent, Andrew Carnegie. All right, that’s a little too modest: He was one of the richest people in all of recorded history.

Last year on the afternoon of the last day of the Missouri State Fair, I had State Fair Idol final judging duties. But his year they didn’t need me, so I found something else to do: The traditional demolition derby started at noon.

“I’m so glad I wrote in,” insisted Darren Stratton, the man who wrote the letter that won “Go to the Show with Travis.”

“Don’t try this at home, kids,” urged Michelangelo Nock, the host of the Nerveless Nocks show and the owner of a particularly great name.

“I have been a fan of Travis since his first column” wrote Sandra Mullins of La Monte.

The Pettis County Sheriff’s Department is one of 10 new prescription drug drop-off points recently established throughout the state through a cooperative effort between the Missouri Youth/Adult Alliance and various local agencies.

Talkin’ about Zulu Balls, baby dolls and King Champagne — smokin’ cigars and flingin’ money through the air.”

As you read this, I’m in a strange place just outside of Lawson that is the beloved temporary home to a number of people with bleeding disorders.